The older I get, the more I listen to those around me. As I
listen, I hear heart wrenching stories of lost love, broken families, and
petrified children. This breaks my heart. Children are being exposed to
situations younger and younger, and it literally pains me. Listening to stories
of children being afraid for the lives of those around them, based on decisions
being made by those who are supposed to be the “adults” in the situation,
infuriates me. A child should not have to say “No, Daddy, I’m not getting in
the car with you because you have been drinking.” What is this world we live
in?
When did this become the norm? When did children become the
buffer in relationships? When did marriage become such a joke? What is a
functional relationship? I’m in a relationship, and I am so incredibly happy.
There are days I feel like I might just explode from it. That being said,
sometimes I feel like I might not even want to get married… Ever.
As far back as I can remember I have wanted to be a wife and
a mom. I want to be a teacher, and then come home to a house and cook dinner
for my husband and children. I want to put my children to bed and grade my
papers. I have all these goals, but honestly I feel like marriage has become a
ritual. It doesn’t mean what it used to, and I don’t know if I want to even be
a part of it.
I’m sorry this is so dismal, but I’m really just having a
tough time with this today.
Please trust me when I say I know what you are saying. I broke down before I got married and told a lady that there was no point that divorce ran in my family like a disease. And what she told me has stuck. "You are not 'everyone'". If you don't want to be like the proverbial "them"... don't be. I can tell you what a functional relationship is, putting the other before yourself. You have to realize that you will not always be "happy" in ANY relationship. I'm not happy I'm 1,500 mi away from my family and 400 mi from all of you. But this is where the Lord wants our family for this season, And I wouldn't change anything. I know that the struggles I'm facing now are just to help me become more like Christ, just like before I got married. Go into the marriage to be a WIFE not mommy, not that it's bad to want to be a mommy, but that's not why you get married. And after you become a mommy realize that you are still a wife first. I know that's not a popular statement but your kids need the stability of you and he. Put time aside for just the 2 of you to remember what brought you together to begin with and to explore how the 2 of you are changing. The main thing is to honestly look at the one you are thinking about marrying and realize that the things that irritate you now may never change, unless the Lord changes him, so can you live with them for the rest of your life? Oh and make sure you go through gospel centered premarital counselling. Having an idea of where the other is coming from about everything from money (what is important to spend it on) to sex (what it is for men vs. women p.s. it's probably not what you think) to kids (how many, how to parent, if someone stays home). Get everything out before and then there will be no "surprise, I'm a swinger" after your vows. Sorry I went on so long, I just really want to get across don't be normal be right (and by that I mean do what the Lord wants you to). I love you, and miss you something fierce.
ReplyDeleteI miss you so much. I love you!
ReplyDelete