Sunday, September 22, 2013

HEY! I'm back! For a test run!

Hey you few people that actually care if I blog or not!

I received a complimentary VoxBox from Influenster for reviewing purposes. It had some coupons for Sargento Cheese and a neat little pouch to carry a cheese stick in, so it will stay cool while I run errands or head to work.

I had never tried Sargento before, and I can honestly say, dude I was missing out. Like, a lot. It has a creamy taste, and isn't at all plastic-like which I find in most cheese sticks.

If you haven't heard of Influenster, you should check them out. It sends products to review and gives you several different platforms to choose from to tall people how you feel about the product. I posted a picture/review of my cheese pouch on instagram here.

I've been adding these cheese sticks to my everyday snack routine at breakfast time or before bed. As of late I've been waking up hungry, and this goes great with a handful of dry banana cereal. I work night shifts at Pizza Hut in addition to working at a Real Estate Agency so, sometimes this cheese stick and a couple slices of lunch meat make up my "dinner" before I go to bed. Its filling and it tastes great. I'm seriously so in love with these cheese sticks.

My 5 favorite satisfying snacks (in no particular order) are probably:
1. A Sargento cheese stick and a handful of almonds
2. A banana with peanut butter spread on it and a 3/4 glass of milk
3. A Sargento cheese stick, a few frozen blueberries and a hard-boiled egg
4. A Sargento cheese stick and a handful of frozen sweet corn (have you ever tried frozen sweet corn? It is seriously  SO good. It almost tastes like candy)
5. Hummus with carrot sticks and bell pepper slices (maybe a few Stacey's pita chips if I have left-over hummus)

And, because I am incredibly nosey, what do you enjoy snacking on?

Sunday, August 18, 2013

I'm probably done writing for quite some time.

I'm having an incredibly hard time writing. 
I feel  like everything I write turns into some sort of rant, or makes me look like a know-it-all. 
I can very honestly say I do not know it all. 

I wrote a post that was featured on another blog about my brother. My brother has autism. I love my brother fiercely, and have ALWAYS been protectively  trying to shield him from the bad in the world. From the mean and ignorant people that know nothing about his heart, nothing about his love for people, nothing about his passion to be a good friend. He is the best and brightest young man I have ever had the pleasure to be around. He has always been, and will always be the best guy in my life. He makes me see the good in the world. He makes me want to be a better  person, sister, and friend. Because of the life I have lived with both him and my sister, I can very honestly say I have learned to look at the beauty in life and not dwell on the fact that there will always be mean people. There will always be someone who tries as hard as they can to tear you to pieces, but when you have a love in your life like the one I share with those two, it doesn't even matter because they're more important than any mean comment or hateful glance.

I wrote very honestly and openly about my struggles with both the social stigma, and the "fad" of describing everything as "retarded." I wrote about how I used to abhor that word, but then fell into the peer pressure of using it like my friends. I wrote about how I tried so hard to break the habit, and about how much it killed me to be a hypocrite. It really isn't as simple as "just quit using that word." You hear it daily. You are exposed to the idea that it is ok, and it really is hard to stand up to something so many people view as a little thing. It is very hard to be that person that says "don't say that, it offends me" to someone that thinks the word means nothing. People use it more around you after that, because they know it hurts you. Not very many people understand. Not very many people care.

After I wrote about how I have struggled with using "that's retarded" more than I care to admit and how it affected the way I viewed myself, and even the relationship I have with my brother, I was bombarded in the comment section about why I was such an awful person, and how I should be ashamed of myself, and why my brother shouldn't love me, and my mom should wash my mouth out with soap and then forget she gave birth to me. I heard it all. In all honesty, I had never associated my brother with being "retarded," because he is not. I never once called a person retarded. I never once insulted someone who made a poor choice. If I did use it, it was referring to situations and choices, but never ever a person. Never ever a person.

I don't think I want to blog anymore. I don't think I can ever put myself out there in writing and get my writing and feelings shattered like that again. I was being vulnerable and honest in a space I was told would be no judgement. A space I was told to freely write and connect with people that had looked at my story and could relate to me. Instead of connecting with people and growing from my experience I was ostracized and condemned. I don't think I can do it anymore.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Excitement and wishful thinking :)

This is a post about things I am truly excited for.

  1. Moving out of my family’s house. I love love love my family. They mean so much to me, and they have worked so hard to help me be where I am today, and for that I am very grateful. That being said, I am excited to have a place that is mine (and whoever I choose to share it with).
  2. Getting married. Lame, I know. Every girl in high school blogs about how much she wants to get married, but it isn’t just the marriage and the intimacy that goes along with that, it’s the:
    1. Learning to cook for my husband, and forcing him to eat burnt food so I’ll stop crying
    2. Doing combined laundry
    3. Waking up to the same face every morning
    4. Learning how to budget as newlyweds
    5. Kissing good morning and sending him off to work with a mug of coffee
    6. Sharing a closet
    7. Sharing a dresser
    8. Leaving little notes around the house
    9. Reminding him that my bathroom stuff is sprawled out on the counter because I need it that way or I’ll look like an absolute train wreck
    10. Being held after a long day
    11. Surprising him
    12. Maybe, someday, having a beautiful, little baby with him
    13. Picking out things to make our house a home
…and so so so much more…
  1. Paying my car off in however many years that is…
  2. Getting my tax refund
  3. Learning how to ride a long board
  5. Summer tans
  6. Going swimming
  7. Finishing this semester of college
  8. Spending time with Darling this evening. :) since we’re fairly serious now, I have no problem saying Darling’s real name is Jacob, and I thank God he brought him back into my life, hopefully this time for a long, long time.

So now, let me know what you're excited for :)

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Things You Should Know If We're Gonna Be BFFs

I was inspired by a post over at to write a post about facts you may or may not know about me.
So here we go :)

I wear a size 8 shoe.
I've been that size since about sixth grade.
I was always terrified I would be a size 19 before I finished high school.
I'm a fan of the Maxi skirt.
I LOATHE bacon.
I'm a receptionist.
I also deliver pizza for Pizza Hut.
My favorite color is yellow.
I wear my socks inside out.
I picked up that weird habit from watching my younger sister do it for years, and I'm still not sure when I started doing it.
I hate spicy foods. Love the taste, cry like a baby at the burn.
The sound of other people gagging makes me gag too. So does the sound of Gollum's voice from the Hobbit Movie. Darling's friends thought it was hilarious.
In addition to being unable to handle the sound of gagging, I'm a sympathy puker. It's disgusting.
My sister and I get headaches at the same time. She's two years younger than me (Weird, right?).
I have stepped on carpenters nails multiple times in my life. I think I'm up to five times now.
I compulsively wash my hands.
I use self-checkout at the grocery store whenever possible.
I'm afraid of the dark, big dogs and fire.
I used to love to burn candles, but I will probably never burn one again.
I collect snowglobes.
80% of the time when I go to Walmart or Target I buy lipgloss, even if I find nothing else I want.
I bullied Darling into buying a yellow shower curtain, because I am mean.
I am mean.
I really enjoy fruit, but get bored eating it.
Becoming overwhelmed is very easy for me, and sometimes causes me to shutdown for periods at a time.
When I get overwhelmed, I either pick off my nail polish, or I pick at my fingernails until they bleed (sometimes both), then wonder why I can't have nice things.
Once I start, I can't stop.
I'm picking the Shellac off my nails as I type this.
My yellow Pontiac Sunfire was my most prized possession. When I wrecked it I honestly thought my life was over for a brief moment.
I've tried to be vegan. (LOL)
I'm in love with panda bears.
I didn't let anyone know that until I was 19.
I'm currently dating the boy that was my first kiss, and I absolutely adore everything about him.
That was a lie, there are things that irritate me, but as a whole, he's the greatest blessing God could have ever given me, and I thank Him for His perfect timing.
Sometimes I want a baby so bad I can hardly stand it, but then I remember how much I enjoy sleeping, how full my schedule is, and how much money I don't have, and figure I should hold off on that dream.
Image from Imgur

Tell me some of your quirks :)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

When the right words fail you,,

This is a post that has been a long time in the making. I have honestly wrestled with and worked on this post for a little over a month, and, as sad as that sounds, I still don't feel like my words are what people need to hear. Honestly, though, I feel like I need to say them. This is something that has been on my heart and mind since December 14 (2012). I am truly sorry if anyone gets offended by this post, but it is a post I need to get off my chest. This is something I feel I need to write about, and I am finally comfortable enough to post it.

I posted about my feelings and heartbreak concerning the December 14th shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut here. This is sort of a follow up to that post I guess...

Gun violence is an extreme and devastating social norm attached to American history. The only reason I call it a social norm, is because as a country we have generally become immune to the atrocity. I am in no way saying it is acceptable or justified or whatever. I'm only stating its prevalence in American culture. Now, I know half of you are going to stop reading because you don't want to listen to a liberal or conservative gun rant, but, if you stay with me, I can promise you that is not what I am trying to do. This is not a rant, and this is not to point fingers at anyone, again, this is just something I need to get off my chest.

American was founded on the idea of "Manifest Destiny" which, in all reality, is the idea that it is the job/duty/right of American men to explore the continent, and find land they thought suitable. The major problem with that mindset, however, was the fact that there were already people and animals taking up that space that needed to either be removed or relocated to allow for this American expansion. The Native Americans that lived west of the Appalachians did not appreciate this expansion, and soon began to retaliate. The solution to this problem was the use of firearms to protect the "American family" and allow us to move west. America had this vast frontier that took over one hundred years to fully be explored and expanded upon. Unlike the other countries getting colonized/explored around this time period, the American frontier was large and if you wanted to stand a chance against the natives that knew the land, and knew how to hunt, a gun was a necessity. This idea of gun rights then became engrained in our culture. It was put into the constitution to be a protection against a tyrannical government, it was given to settlers to protect themselves from the "injuns." Right or wrong, it was there, and it was real. Let us just take a moment to think about that... Protection from a tyrant, and protection from the natives... Four American presidents have been shot and died as a result, and there have been approximately fifteen failed attempts at presidential assassination, plus at least two presidential deaths that could have potentially been from some form of intended harm. Most, if not all, of these acts against presidents have resulted in legal consequences, if not death.

As a country, we have outgrown the notion that if we despise our government we can take up arms against them. We have adopted the idea that punishment should generally fit the crime, and because of this policy we can no longer storm the White House and demand they shape up, or die. There is this idea that your right to shoot me (because we have freedom of expression, and this is a "free country"), ends at my right to life. If you take my life away, you no longer have the right to yours (if our legal system was in fact the utopian legal system we had intended).

I'm sure by now you all think I'm a giant liberal and want to take everyone's right to have a gun away, because they're "too dangerous."  I'll tell you this, every single time I see a post on a social media site that says something along the lines of "take away my gun rights, and my guns will just become 'missing' or 'undocumented'" or "I left my loaded gun on the porch all day and it never once shot an innocent person by itself" I want to scream at the ignorance.

I completely understand the frustration that the government would try to take a right or privilege away from people that have done absolutely nothing wrong. I completely understand the fear that if guns are taken away from law-abiding citizens that crime would run rampant, because criminals would still have access to firearms and average civilians would not. I completely understand the fear that, without firearms in the hands of the general population, the government will become even more of a "Big Brother" figure and bully the public into submission. I get it. I understand. I am fearful as well.

I also am fearful that I am of child-bearing age, and, if I decide to have children,  I would be rearing them in a country who has one of the highest gun violence rates in the world. That is so terrifying. Would I like to live in Africa and give my children to Joseph Kony? Absolutely not. I am not hating on America. I love my country and am proud to live here.

According to the CBC, on December 14 (2012), in China a man went into a primary school and stabbed TWENTY-TWO children most likely between the ages of six and eleven. All I'm trying to point out, though, is that crazy people who want to inflict pain, will find a way to do so, firearm or not.

The world we live in is corrupt and dark. We are not born "good." We are born into sin. We are born sinners with the infallible need of saving. There is no right answer to removing firearms. There is no possible way to get rid of them all, because so many of them are not in any way registered. There is no correct solution to an ever-growing problem. Am I saying I would like to see all firearms removed from the hands of American citizens? Not necessarily, but I do admit I hate them. I will also say that I absolutely abhor the idea of .50-caliber rifles in the hands of any nutcase that passes a background check. I understand shooting and hunting are sports. Darling and his family hunt several times a year. I am not saying that is wrong, but WHY in the world would ANYONE need a gun that can hit a target 2,000 yards away AND has "armor-piercing bullets" powerful enough to take down a plane or helicopter.

I feel like there needs to be a limit, but again I have no idea where that limit should be. Criminals will always be criminals, changing the laws will not help that. If someone isn't going to follow the law in the first place, making them even more strict won't help the situation. I don't think taking away the right to bear arms is the way to go.

I know this is stepping on toes, and again that was not my intention. I'm not angry and the general population. I'm angry at the people that think there is only one solution to the problem, when there obviously is not. I'm angry that there are some people that feel like they have the right to shoot wherever and whatever they want. That is most definitely NOT what the second amendment says or means. I feel the second amendment is often taken out of context to mean something it was never intended to mean. Also, we have grown as a nation. You're no longer allowed to shoot Native Americans or the government. Saying "this is how I feel about you infringing upon my gun rights" and then going shooting isn't solving the problem of gun related violence or gun related terrorism. Firearms are dangerous in the wrong hands, and waving a gun in the air claiming to be law abiding citizen isn't helping either, nor is tightening the reigns on gun laws.

Until enough people can understand that firearms and the right to possess them goes deeply into the culture of our society, no progress will be made. head-butting a concrete wall isn't going to knock it down. This is a bigger monster than just a few lobbying groups can fix. It's not something to argue about, it's something to research. You make the decision for you, and I will make the decision for me. As long as my rights aren't infringed upon, I wouldn't dare infringe upon, or support the infringement of yours.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

A day to be somber.

(1) For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: (2) a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; (4) a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
      --Ecclesiastes  3:1-2,4
Today I am filled with so many emotions I'm not really sure what to do with them all. I understand God has a perfect time and place for all things, but today I just don't see it. God's plans are so much bigger than my own, and I know I'm just focusing on one small part of this tapestry that is life, but I just cannot seem to grasp reality today.

A friend of mine had a beautiful baby girl nearly three months ago. She is perfect in so many ways, and I have yet to meet this little dear. This makes me sad. I love her older sister, and even have that precious angel in a couple of my senior pictures. They have a beautiful, loving family, and I miss them.  The mother and father were some of my dearest friends and now they live too far to visit regularly. The mom was one of my role models and I miss her lovely face daily.

Another friend of mine is facing the unknown as she helps take care of her nephew. Her sister and brother-in-law brought a beautiful preemie baby boy into this world six weeks ago, and are now in the hospital praying for healing as he struggles through pneumonia and a urinary tract infection. This tiny baby has already been through so much, and these wonderful parents are doing everything they can with a baby in isolation. On top of all of the difficulties and struggles they are having with their new baby, they have another little boy that is almost two. As the parents are dealing with the youngest, my friend and her parents are dealing with the oldest. Whoever is off work cuddles and loves on and plays with the toddler, reminding him how much he is loved by his parents and new baby brother, all the while praying for a miracle. Both boys are precious, little treasures, and the family as a whole could use so much prayer.

An older gentleman I work with lost his wife today. She had been battling an illness, and everyone thought she was getting better. I was so caught off guard when he told me that I almost choked. I cannot even imagine what he is feeling right now. As I called to get schedules covered and arrangements made for the office I couldn't help but be upset by the way he sounded on the phone. His voice sounded hollow, and nothing like the cheerful man I'm accustomed to. I suppose that is to be expected, but I cannot fathom the change that has occurred within him to create such a drastic change. My heart is broken for him, but at the same time, I can't help but long for a relationship with Darling that lasts that long and is that passionate and loving and gentle. I pray we always remember the things we love about each other, and continue to see the good in one another even through times that seem impossible to deal with.

If you're the praying type, I ask that you remember the three families I mentioned in this post. Please pray for guidance, healing and comfort as they deal with new experiences, illness and loss.

If you're not the praying type, for whatever reason, I ask that you lift them up in your thoughts, and count your blessings twice.

Today is just a day I feel extremely blessed to be where I am in my life, and I also feel extremely burdened for those around me. I personally pray that each one of you reading this understands how truly thankful I am that you took the time to finish this post. I appreciate each and every one of you..

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Davey and Goliath and my little meltdown

I'M TEACHING A LEGIT-FOR-REALZZ CLASS AT CHURCH TOMORROW NIGHT! Not the usual read-a-Bible-story-and-color-a-picture-along-with-some-Play-Doh-time teaching that I usually do with my toddlers, but a watch-15-minutes-of-Davey-and-Goliath(because I love them)-listen-to-Kaelyn-jabber-for-10-minutes-have-a-related-memory-verse-and-object-lesson-and-craft-and-snack for the 5-10 year olds kind of teaching.

I'm going to wet myself.

Then they'll eat me alive.

If you're the praying kind (even if you aren't) I could use some thrown up for me. I'm terrified and excited all at the same time.
For real though, how cute is claymation?
Also, I grew up with Davey and Goliath and I absolutely love them. The kids seem to like them too. They're pretty fascinated with Claymation, so it works out pretty well for me.

My lesson is on racial tolerance, though, and I'm not sure how that will go over. I'm more focused on the "love others who are different than you, because God loves you just as you are and loves them just as they are" aspect of it. I don't think I'll delve too deep into black, white, red, brown, or purple part of it, but focus more on why it's ok to be different. Some of my kids are home schooled and go to co-op and some of them are in public schools, some are adopted and others live in foster homes and some have a large blended family, so this is something I think would be neat to talk with them about and hear what they think about being different, or if they feel left out because they think they're different. I just really think it would be so neat to be able to hear from these kids about the prejudices they are experiencing, before they really understand what prejudice and intolerance are. I don't really want to expose them to that yet, but I do want to put in the back of their mind that God loves them and expects us to all love as He does.

We're going to
Watch: Davey and Goliath: Blind Man's Bluff
Draw: On one half of the paper they have to only use one color and then on the other half they continue the picture with many colors.
Object Lesson: Overflowing shaving cream to show how great God's love for us is and, if we keep our love inside us it can't do it's job.
Memory verse: My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. --John 15:12
Snack: Sugar cookies with colored icing and an assortment of toppings

I don't know what I'm doing.
My goals are huge.
Prayers appreciated.
I know I'll for sure be in a constant state of prayer.