Sunday, July 22, 2012

Today is the day I make this junk official.

This is probably not for the under 13 crowd.

Last night I went downtown with some of my friends, and who should be there but The Great Mistake. A brief history of The Great Mistake, his name is irrelevant because he doesn’t even deserve to have one. The Great Mistake and I used to be best friends when we were both thirteen, then we got older and tried to date, that was miserable for us both. We were better off as good friends. A few bad life choices later and The Great Mistake is calling me from his first 24 hour holding cell telling me he’s scared and needed to hear the voice of someone that loved him. I still cared about my friend and tried to comfort him in the allotted 180 seconds and we agreed to meet up when I got back from vacation (YEAH. That phone call took place while I WAS ON VACATION).
I got back and he got a girlfriend. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, or give her he’s-trying-to-cheat-with-that-hussy feelings so I backed off and told him I’d be here if he needed me, but give her your full attention. I never liked her. A few months later he called me and asked me to come over and talk and catch up because she was “out of the picture, and moving out” and he missed having his best friend and wanted to see me. Like the sappy fool I am, I went.  He answered the door and led me past his roommates and we went and talked with the door cracked to his bedroom (I AM NOT A HUSSY). We talked for hours and caught up and I realized how much I missed him and so on and so forth, but then he tried to kiss me. I freaked out and went home.
Then four months later his girlfriend sent me an awful message on Facebook telling me she was going to fight me if she ever saw me in public. I am not a fighter, but I am a self-preservationist. I will not let you hit me. I will not be the victim. I politely told her I had no idea what she was mad about and told her I didn’t even know her. She explained that she was The Great Mistake’s girlfriend and she was furious that I >word I refuse to say< her boyfriend in her bed. None of what she was claiming actually happened. The situation escalated quickly and she wouldn’t listen to what I was saying. Instead of being mad at him for lying to me and cheating on her, she was mad at me for coming on turf I didn’t know was hers.
After The Great Facebook Throwdown of 2011, The Great Mistake, his girlfriend, and his roommates called me at least six times everyday for a week before Christmas and harassed me. If I didn’t answer they would leave me voicemails comparing random parts of my body to exotic animals, and accuse me of nasty horrible things that no sane person would do. Bestiality is not my thing bro, not my thing. Anyway, the calls eventually stopped, picked up again for a while and now seem to have stopped altogether.
But he was there. The Great Mistake was downtown last night in my town. He was here. On my turf. Without his girlfriend. He glared at me and tried to walk toward me and I booked it into a coffee shop I found out he had JUST walked out of. I was terrified. We were within 20 feet of each other for the first time since October and I almost passed out. But, I have been losing weight and I am so much healthier than I was in October, and well… he looked a bit worse for wear. I know it’s awful for me to say this, but I looked better.
That’s when I finally made the choice 100%. I am going to get healthy. I will make him regret ever calling me those hideous terms, because I am already healthier than I used to be. I think I look better and I know I feel better. That’s what this post is about, my choice to be healthy.

So, This is it. This is the day. I would say yesterday was the day, but I drank milk, and Darling made me eat cheese and buttered popcorn. Well, he didn't make me, but really it is not fair to tempt me with cheese or butter.

I am going to be a vegan eat a vegan-inspired diet. I can't be a vegan. I like leather shoes. Come at me PETA.
And, Darling said something about not being able to use shampoo and conditioner if I decide to be a vegan. That is straight up blasphemy. I must condition these golden locks. Have I mentioned that I'm vain?... Not really, but if I don't condition my hair I am one unhappy camper, hence why my “camping trips” all have showers relatively close.

I also want to point out that I am not becoming a vegan-inspired eater because animals have faces and blah blah blah. God designed our bodies to eat meat. I am becoming a vegan-inspired eater because I cannot eat meat in moderation, and always feel sick after, because I ate too much meat. I like me some fried chicken. Grandma makes fried chicken that tastes so fantastic the chicken asks for a bite. Ew. That was gross, but her chicken is great. I just know that for me, eating meat is fabulous, but I also want to start finding healthy alternatives. I know that if I make my own food, and I remove meat, butter, milk, and cheese. I will be forcing myself to come up with healthier options. I don't need meat everyday, and if I know how to make more things I'll be more apt to do it later when I start to reincorporate meat.

So :) here are my rules:
* No butter, unless I’m at a movie and it’s on the popcorn, in which case DO NOT GET MORE KAELYN!
* No milk (insert small shudder, milk is by far my FAVORITE drink), but I have found a coconut/almond alternative that isn’t terrible, but it’s not milk and that makes me sad.
* No cheese. Yes Kaelyn, that includes the parmesan cheese you keep trying to put on your pasta. GIVE IT UP!
* No eggs. Sorry tomatoes, no more scrambled egg sandwiches (Yes, I know that probably sounds a little disgusting, but I’m in college and broke. Eggs are cheaper than lunchmeat)
* No meat (duh) BUT, I do have a small stipulation, if I’m being fed by a friend or their family, I’m not going to make them make me a special meal. That’s not fair to them. This is my choice, and I’m not going to burden others because of it. That being said, I also am not going to go to a summer BBQ and eat everything in sight because “there were no vegan options” that is when I would try to instigate moderation.

Which I don’t find too unreasonable, and, like I said before, it’s not a super strict lifestyle change; it’s me simply trying to take care of the body God gave me and get healthy. Kind of like a detox. Maybe that’s what I’ll call this… My Vegan-Inspired Detox. I want to start being healthy, and learn to make healthy choices. I want to inform myself of healthy options to things I already like. :)

That being said,
Here are my exceptions:
* If I want to have a glass of milk, it can only be between the hours of 6am and 8am, because if I’m willing to get up in the morning before 8, it must be serious. (Have I mentioned that I’m in college and therefore stay up until all hours of the night?…)
* If I’m out somewhere with friends, or on a date or whatnot, if they don’t have vegan options, I will not order red meat, and I’ll try my best to stay away from fish and chicken as well. Salad here I come.
* I am not changing my lifestyle to the point I won’t ride in a car with leather seats. That’s ludicrous.
Well, this was a bit long… But that’s my goal. That’s my little mid-year resolution if you will. School is starting soon, and it’ll be harder, but I want to do this for me. Darling and most of my friends have said I’m going to hate it, and I probably will, but most lifestyle changes require some work and a little bit of doing things you don’t want too. Believe me, if I could sit at home and read while surfing Pinterest and drinking a Mocha Coconut Frap from Starbucks and eat Zingers all day long, I would, but this is my choice for me. I am going to be healthy. I am going to get fit. It’s not about being skinny; it’s about believing I’m beautiful, and being proud of what it took to get there.

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